The Chronicles of Dick
Episode Information
Series KittyTV
Upload date June 15, 2012
Duration 3 minutes 14 seconds
Episode Navigation
Riddick is Back

The Chronicles of Dick (mainly titled as The Chronicles of Dick: Assault on Humanity) is an advertisment made by Kitty0706, as part of the short-lived KittyTV series.


This video falsely advertises a fantastic underrated game that deserves a bigger audience. But play the older version first, because it's better than the remastered version.

Overview Edit

The video starts with the KittyTV logo appeared with it's music theme. The screen changes into skies from the original game, some hands pointing on an object (not shown) reimagining Superman's introduction opening. Then one of the hands kills the leftmost hand with an invinsible gun, revealing the killer is a severed arm. The video advertisement continues on close up of Flying Riddick, showing the parodied Afarti (Atari) and Shartbreeze (Starbreeze Studio) logo, then revealing the game's title: The Chronicles of Dick : Assault on Humanity starring Award-losing actor Vin Diesel as Richard B. Dick. Presenting a new (boring) storyline, set at the east bumblef@#k! with terror and action at every corner. Also including most captivating dialog in the history of videogame followed by a "Horribly written" popup text and a random NPC complimenting the Hero's "boobs". It's also advertises (falsely) the intense action followed by Dick punching his enemies, features such use your submachinegun as harmonica (then explodes), pretend to be a baseball player, Master Composer Nintendo (Mozart is shown instead) with masterpiece and unforgettable soundtrack that will knock your socks off. Guest star Marcus Fenix from Gears of War series. Fighting Midgets and Giants, or Oxygen which Kitty don't reccomend because it's violating the law of East Bumblef#@!, award winning motion capture animation (followed by woofing Dick), and some many other thing. The Advertisers then ask the watcher to order the game to play the extra minutes for free, then ask the watchers again to order the DLC for $99.99. And another DLC Ending DLC, followed with Electronic Arts logo and more DLC's.

The later part of videos shows some Paid player reviews featuring Generic Woman, Generic Man, and Generic Timmy, finished with the game Boxart, price per-copy, and phone number (1-800-IAMDUMBASS) for ordering the game. Then the credits roll with some special notes about his current status.




  • This advertisment is obviously parodied from The Chronicles of Riddick games.
  • This is the first, short lived KittyTV series.
  • This video reveals Kitty0706's current condition, including A.L.L. Leukemia he's diagnosed with.
  • This video shows Kitty0706 mocks Electronic Arts for weighing on DLC on their developed or published games.
  • The videogame Boxart is on Nintendo Gameboy.
  • It's unknown if the game will be ported on another console.
  • in-universe, the game has the largest amount of DLC, ranging on 3,984 or higher.
  • The game price is $8,532,945,99.